Cherry 2000 (1987)
We worry in modern society about phones becoming outdated. What if your spouse was in danger of becoming outdated? Sam Treadwell (David Andrews) hires tracker E. Johnson (Melanie Griffith) to take him into the forbidden zones of a post-apocalyptic California to find a replacement for his robot wife who shorted out during a particularly wet bout of lovemaking. If he can find an outdated model, he can insert the memory chip and have his wife back. But California is not a place for the weak of heart, and Treadwell being a white collar worker from Anaheim, must rely on Johnson’s tracking ability to keep him safe. In the tradition of post-apocalyptic 80s films, the bad guys look ridiculous, the good guys look like psudo-punk rockers, and most of the budget goes towards smashing stuff.  Look for a young (and presumably desperate for work) Laurence Fishburne as a lawyer in a bar trying to negotiate a sex contract between two people. This would be a good double feature with a later Mad Max film or Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. Also, keep an eye out for a cat in a water bottle in the tradition of Bladerunner, pictured here: Catacting.


I sometimes realize that weeks go by and I don’t write anything here. The website was down for about a week anyway, but in the last month, I have had a few nice things happen. Number one is, after so much hassle with denied credits and correspondence classes, I finally got my degree from the University of Arizona. Now if anyone says I’m a shitty writer, just refer them to this piece of paper: undeniable proof that I am a genius.

I watched Dead and Buried (1981) this month. I don’t recall ever hearing much about this movie, but I was really into it. It made the British Video Nasties list in the 80s. It wasn’t hella gory, but I thought it was the best kind of creepy and, besides having some pretty glaring holes in the plot, fairly unique. Sheriff Dan Gillis (James Farentino) is a small town sheriff investigating a series of murders. From the beginning, you get an idea of who is doing the killing, but not why. While the film does not make use of monsters, there is a solid H.P. Lovecraft feel to the story. The movie also makes good use of camera equipment tools for terror. The things going on in the film could probably not go on for long without somebody noticing, but if you turn your logic center off it has some brutal scares. People often equate 80s horror with slasher films or cheesy low-budget fare. Overlooked are some of these films that capture an eerie tone in the vein of the better Italian horror films. You can also look for a pre-Krueger Robert Englund in the mob.

If you want to give your CD collection a boost, this book about the birth of the rock ‘n’ roll sound in the late forties and early fifties. I say CD collection because to look for vinyl records of these often obscure musicians can be an expensive task. This is a collection of stories about the tragedies and triumphs of the people who brought the sound around while Elvis was still driving a truck. Tosches has a good sense of humor and a clear reverence for the subject matter. He’s also not afraid to print the legend once in a while. I’m not the most educated musicologist, but I’m apt to pick up random albums with guys holding a saxaphone on the cover. This book takes you down the path efficiently. Really essential reading.

And for no reason, here’s a picture of a duck I saw. This is Brooklyn after all. Seeing a duck was like watching Wild Kingdom to me.

I have also finished a draft of what I hope will be my next published novel, The League. Finishing is a good feeling, but also has brought on a new level of neurosis as I prepare to send it around and be regularly rejected. But I am really happy with what I have now. Hopefully, I will find a publisher that will help me get behind it.

HOME : BIO : WRITING : BOOKS : SHORT STORIES : MUSIC : POEMS : MOVIES : LINKS :cramholethecomic(at)hotmail.com
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